In a swoosh, even September was behind us. And honestly? I don’t really know how that happened. I mean, obviously, time passes like it always does, one rotation at the time, slowly circling the sun. But sometimes, the earth seems to spin much faster than my mind is able to comprehend. And whether it’s due to growing older or something else entirely, this summer has indeed been one that hastily traveled past me . . . well, the entire year seems to have gone by in a flash, truth be told. We’re quickly closing in on Christmas, and even if I’m looking forward to it, I am afraid that before I know it, it’s New Years Eve, and I won’t know what hit me.
When I think back on this year, I realize that even if it seems to have gone by in a haze, for different reasons, it has also been a memorable one, of both good and bad.
I began this year at the top of my game.
After a year of stress, worry and hard work, I passed my Master’s dissertation with flying colors in January. Who would have thought? Not the September 2017 version of me, that’s for sure. I wanted to quit more than once, with every fibre in my body at that, but I didn’t. And it paid off.
All of spring kept me occupied preparing for the youth conference in Tanzania a friend and I helped co-organized, which took place in June. The trip to Tanzania was an adventure, and I met a bunch of nice people that I still hold close to my heart.
After sun, come rain, they say.
Right after my trip, my mom got sick. And from there, it’s getting rather hazy. Most of June and July, my dad and I felt like Don Quixote against the windmills, trying to get my mom the help she needed, which proved to be a much bigger ordeal than we’d ever imagined. As a coping mechanism, these months were mostly spent going through the motions.
I don’t remember exactly what hit me.
But, as I was going through these motions, while at the same time doing my best to enjoy the warmest summer in a lifetime, I felt the need to take some action. I never wanted to spend all my life being nothing but talk, so in July, I began working towards the launch of this blog. A blog that I have had brewing in me for quite some time. But I didn’t have the guts. Until now.
Finally launching in late July/beginning of August, the blog took top priority. Well, after caring for my mother and my family, that is. Which always has top priority in my book. I mean, what else is there, if not loved ones, right? And, well, even for an introvert like myself who loves staying home most of the time, being inside all day writing and not seeing people becomes isolating. Like, painstakingly isolating.
So, I panicked a bit.
But it turns out that sometimes panicking is beneficial. Not that I advocate for panic attacks or anything (which I didn’t have, to be fair), but when panic comes sneaking, why not make the best of it? After a good cry about how dull and repetitive my life felt (and yes, thank you, PMS, for making everything seem ten times worse…), I took even more action. Before I went to bed that day, I had signed up for my first guitar lesson and a broth boiling class. Both of which had been on my mind for some time now, especially the guitar lessons. And taking these steps felt so important.
Because, we need to make the most of life when we still have it.
And this hit particularly home this September. Suddenly, the need to embrace life with both hands seemed more pressing than it had in a long time. When a dear friend of mine suddenly had her husband taken away from her. The line between life and death all of a sudden didn’t seem as sturdy. Like life is all but a balancing act, where we can be here one minute and gone the next.
The same week, my father lost his uncle. Or rather, his cousins lost their father. They weren’t that close, but still. Unlike my friend’s husband, he had lived a long life. But thankfully, both of them had lived full lives. And I want to do that too. Young or old, our time on this earth is fleeting, and we never know how much time we have left. What we do have is now.
So while I dream of Christmas…
…I don’t know what this year’s Christmas is going to look like. Will my parents, Chris and I spend it together like we normally do? Or will an empty chair take precedence, if my mom does not get well until then? Either way, I will make the most of it, for all of us. No need to get ahead of ourselves, as it were.
So far, this year has been one of achievements and happiness, hardship and sorrow. All in all, I guess that’s life’s flavors. And some years, they taste of one more than the others.
While September is now behind us, October is upon us, and I’ll keep pushing towards my goals.
And keep my loved ones close to home. ♥︎